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Readjusting My Day

It might be a bit early to call this, seeing as it’s only really been, what, 4 days or so since I started, but attempting to fix my daytime schedule has been weird so far.

I (try to) get up by 10am, and (really try to) go to sleep by 12 or so.

The day feels longer, and it’s a bit surreal; I’m more used to less time seeing the sun, and going around the house when everyone is already asleep. Now that I’m awake before noon, there’s a few more hours added to the day, and actually, there could be more if I actually had the will to actually get out of bed when I first wake up. (I’ve been waking up at 7am and going back to sleep; I have no idea what to do with myself, waking up that early without a place to be at like school or a trip of some kind.)

I’ve also moved the laptop, tablet, etc. to another location, to a room with a desk that isn’t my bedroom, so I’ve been having less tendencies to take naps in the middle of things, and it’s been helping with reducing the time I spend staying up on the computer at night. (The light’s busted in this room; I pretty much turn off the computer when the sun’s gone, and move to my phone. There’s only so much you could do when you can’t multi-task as easily on a device.)

Anyway, this whole readjustment thing has been both parts good and weird; good, because it really is supposed to be good for me and dealing with my shit as far as getting it together and helping with living better, considering my mental health. Weird because I really have no idea what to do with all this time. I want to do things, I have projects listed down in my bullet journal (more on that another time maybe), but most of the time I just find myself unmotivated, or restless anyway, because I can’t decide what to do, and I’ve yet to still get diagnosed for whether or not I have ADHD. I’ve been fidgeting more, feeling agitated when I’m not doing anything, and still being unable to do anything because I can’t decide what to do. It’s weird, and I’m constantly filling in those hours with finding something to do that isn’t quite… as engaging as I’d like them to be.

Still, I’m trying. I’ve been out almost everyday this week, doing things, getting things done, not just for myself (yoga, getting some shopping done), but also for the house (estate taxes and title documents). Dunno what else I can do after this week to keep me busy though.

But who knows?

Maybe it’ll still get better.

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I feel like Davesprite sometimes.

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On the Rare Occasion

At some point, I’d say hate bubbled down to just not being able to stand everything about you.

I can’t stand you.

But there are still times that I check up on you, and I don’t even understand why, but I do.

I don’t even know if you do the same, or if it’s already a foregone habit by now.

We’re hardly even that close anymore, and it’s pretty fucking amazing how such a little thing could undo all those years.

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Protected: But no really

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why does she have to make this so difficult.

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Ugh

Probably the first time I’ve gotten really offended for this year.

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